Mom Wednesdays copy

I remember that my feelings about being pregnant and being a mom changed throughout the course of my pregnancy. I originally was scared, but now I am excited and feel more confident. One thing I have noticed during my pregnancy is the looks I get from other women, mainly older than 30, who seem to be judging me. I feel their disapproval and sometimes disgust in their looks. I live in Connecticut and the part of Connecticut I live in is one of the richest counties. I also noticed that the young moms I do see are not white, which further made me feel isolated. It got me thinking that maybe it’s not normal for a young white girl in this part of Connecticut to first off get pregnant, but second off decide to go through with the pregnancy.

I figure maybe they think I am younger than I am. I have had people guess my age as 19 when in reality I am 23. Maybe they have an unconscious bias they are unaware of. When I started this blog, I was excited to connect with other millennial moms, and I noticed lots of the young moms I’ve found are from the south. I talked with my therapist about this and she did agree with the fact that in different regions there are different expectations and cultural norms. The therapist mentioned how when her daughter went to college in the south they all were getting married and having children by the time they were graduating, and the daughter was so shocked and confused. In the northeast, the emphasis is placed on career and making money. So I can understand why I get these looks, but I have to say I hate getting them. I know everyone makes snap judgments, but I am not an irresponsible person. I am quite responsible, driven, ambitious, and talented. I know my strengths and I know I’ll be a good mom despite my age. There may be challenges, but at what age is parenting not a challenge?

I haven’t gone out too much, at least not without Jak, because I am, in all honesty, sick and tired of the judgments. There are plenty of family friends who have been supportive, and then there have been others who have been judgmental and questioning me about my decision. If anyone truly knows me, they know I wouldn’t be able to have an abortion, and they would know how loving and compassionate I would be with my child. The only reason they doubt me is because of finances. I remember going to the ob-gyn the day I found out and she asked me what would be my reasons to discontinue the pregnancy and what would be my reasons to continue with the pregnancy. She told me about how if finances were the only reason I would ever consider terminating, then I needed to know that finances can work themselves out. She told me that many people have come through the office in the same situation, continued with the pregnancy and came back later to say they were glad they went through with the pregnancy because things ended up working out. I know that won’t and doesn’t happen in every case, but I have a loving and supportive family, I have Jak, and I have enough love and determination to give my child the life they deserve, so I know I have the qualities to be a good mother, despite my age.

XOXO Savvy

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  1. interesting blog. I’m so sorry you were feeling that way but yea, I also live in the NE and it’s very much career career, then when you are like 30ish start thinking about having a family, if that. sometimes it’s more like 35! I have certain mindsets about where I should be in life at 37 and I’m not there, I see where others are and I’m not there because of my choices, but does that mean it’s wrong? where’s the grand clock of scheduling saying this at this time and that at that. There isn’t. Just keep going and doing what you think you should, pray and it’ll come together.

    1. Thanks, yeah the NE is very career oriented, even I had the mindset of not having children until I was at least 30 prior to getting pregnant. I’ve learned to go with the flow, and know that everything will fall into place when the time is right.

  2. Your story is touching yet also relating. Im a young mother (new mom) and I’m 22. People look at me funny as well, thinking that I’m too young and wouldn’t know what to do. I just want to say keep pushing and prove them wrong. 🙂

    1. Thanks, and I just remind myself that they don’t know me and my journey.

  3. Love your post! I am a young mom as well, just turned 20 and my daughter is almost a month old, and I notice the same stigma. It’s disheartening, but it also pushes me to work harder and prove them wrong.

    1. Glad you enjoyed the post, but sad to hear you’ve felt the same way. I also feel like I just want to prove them wrong too!

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