I remember that my feelings about being pregnant and being a mom changed throughout the course of my pregnancy. I originally was scared, but now I am excited and feel more confident. One thing I have noticed during my pregnancy is the looks I get from other women, mainly older than 30, who seem to be judging me. I feel their disapproval and sometimes disgust in their looks. I live in Connecticut and the part of Connecticut I live in is one of the richest counties. I also noticed that the young moms I do see are not white, which further made me feel isolated. It got me thinking that maybe it’s not normal for a young white girl in this part of Connecticut to first off get pregnant, but second off decide to go through with the pregnancy.
I figure maybe they think I am younger than I am. I have had people guess my age as 19 when in reality I am 23. Maybe they have an unconscious bias they are unaware of. When I started this blog, I was excited to connect with other millennial moms, and I noticed lots of the young moms I’ve found are from the south. I talked with my therapist about this and she did agree with the fact that in different regions there are different expectations and cultural norms. The therapist mentioned how when her daughter went to college in the south they all were getting married and having children by the time they were graduating, and the daughter was so shocked and confused. In the northeast, the emphasis is placed on career and making money. So I can understand why I get these looks, but I have to say I hate getting them. I know everyone makes snap judgments, but I am not an irresponsible person. I am quite responsible, driven, ambitious, and talented. I know my strengths and I know I’ll be a good mom despite my age. There may be challenges, but at what age is parenting not a challenge?
I haven’t gone out too much, at least not without Jak, because I am, in all honesty, sick and tired of the judgments. There are plenty of family friends who have been supportive, and then there have been others who have been judgmental and questioning me about my decision. If anyone truly knows me, they know I wouldn’t be able to have an abortion, and they would know how loving and compassionate I would be with my child. The only reason they doubt me is because of finances. I remember going to the ob-gyn the day I found out and she asked me what would be my reasons to discontinue the pregnancy and what would be my reasons to continue with the pregnancy. She told me about how if finances were the only reason I would ever consider terminating, then I needed to know that finances can work themselves out. She told me that many people have come through the office in the same situation, continued with the pregnancy and came back later to say they were glad they went through with the pregnancy because things ended up working out. I know that won’t and doesn’t happen in every case, but I have a loving and supportive family, I have Jak, and I have enough love and determination to give my child the life they deserve, so I know I have the qualities to be a good mother, despite my age.