How do we fall in love? What creates love? Intimacy. When two people are able to be open, honest, and equally vulnerable love can be established. What if I told you that answering 36 questions could make you fall in love with the person you’re currently seeing?
Arthur Aron did a study with others that observed intimacy from strangers and saw if certain questions could accelerate the building of intimacy. I remember when I first met Jak, I had recently read this article (with the 36 questions to make you fall in love) a couples weeks before meeting him. Within a couple weeks of knowing Jak, I asked him if he would want to answer the 36 questions with me. What we found was that this truly did accelerate intimacy. The questions are designed to build intimacy as you answer more questions.
The first set of questions are not invasive and are the easiest to answer. Some questions are easier to answer than others, but as the exercise goes, the more intimate the questions become. The second set of questions continues to build the intimacy with the types of questions. The third set is where the questions, for me, were more difficult to answer because the questions become about you and your partner. The key to these 36 Questions is that both of you are being equally vulnerable. When intimacy is built, usually it’s because both parties are being equally open with each other. Jak and I found that it truly accelerated our sense of intimacy in the beginning, and hey, maybe that’s why our connection was so strong so quickly.
The last part of the exercise, in my opinion, was most difficult. After answering the questions, and establishing a sense of intimacy with this person you are supposed to look at each other in the eyes for four minutes. I think Jak and I made it to two minutes before we started laughing and explained how scary and awkward it felt. But truly, being able to stare into the other person’s eyes, not looking away, for four minutes is incredibly difficult!
Everything I post on this blog for Married Mondays, whether it’s the 5 Languages of Love, or the Love Maps, Jak and I have done as a couple. What I think is most beneficial, is to do these exercises once a year to see how both you and your partner have grown and changed. I know that for me, my Love Language changed dramatically since Jak and I have met and we wouldn’t have known that unless we revisited that quiz. Personally, I want to re-do the 36 Questions with Jak again this week given we haven’t done them since early when we met. I’d love to see if, after over two years, we can stare into each other’s eyes for the full four minutes and see if it’s easier now than it was back then. Personally, I believe that even if you’ve been together for years, answering the 36 questions linked above could help any couple, especially if there’s been disconnection or diminished intimacy over the years, so I challenge all couples out there to give this exercise a try!