Only four weeks left (if Xander comes on time). I cannot even express the anxiety I have about giving birth. I am scared of the pain. I worry about how long the process will be and if I have the strength to endure it. I guess the unknown is the worst part. I have to “go with the flow” which is not my personality. I am someone who likes to know what the plan is, have things be predictable, organized, etc.

My true worry is that I won’t have the strength to do this. I can’t imagine how hard this is going to be. I know tons of women give birth every day, but I sometimes wonder how I’ll be able to handle the pains, the duration. I know I have my comforts and idea’s of coping skills, but I really won’t know what works until I go through it. Another worry is that my parents are going to be traveling a week before the due date, so if things don’t go according to plan then my fear would be that they would be out of the state when I go into labor. I also am the first person in my family that is alive to be going through birth. No one in my family has experienced this. I guess I feel more unprepared because of that.

I’ve talked to other moms, and no one wants to give details, which I understand. Some moms don’t even remember. I guess I feel like I am driving in a foreign place with no roadmap. Out of control is a good way to express that. I know that when I do go into labor then that is the only way I’ll start to have an idea of what I’m in for. That’s when I will know what is and isn’t working. So really, it’s just a waiting game for now.

XOXO Savvy

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2 Comments

  1. I just went through it and I was in the same boat, terrified of the details no one would tell me and the possibility that things could change at any minute. If you want to email me I can tell you my experience, “gory” details and all.
    jessnikole97@gmail.com. I would love to be able to help if I can!!

  2. Have a plan but don’t expect the birth to be anything like it. Let the doctors and nurses know if you want an epidural or pain meds and which kinds you don’t want either. Be firm if you feel like they aren’t listening but also be willing to compromise.
    I was determined I was NOT having an epidural. Then I asked for one and they told me I had to start with the IV meds first. By the time I asked for the epidural again (because the other meds weren’t working) it was too late. It ended up being a good thing though because if I’d had the epidural, my son might not have made it. I tired out after pushing for over an hour and they did an emergency C section. The epidural would have caused me to push longer.
    Above all, have a way to breathe through it all and have a chosen person to be there with you, holding your hand and helping you.
    It all sounds awful, I know. But then, even through the worst pain, I knew it was worth it to have my son.
    Good luck to you!

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