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When we get married, we believe that we are vowing to be with our one and only true love forever. We believe that we are with our soulmate, the one we were meant to be with.

What happens if we realize this person isn’t our soulmate? Is the image we had of love shattered? Is the marriage over? What happens next?

I think this is okay. Many of us go into marriage with one idea of who we are and our ideas of love, and this changes over time. Who we think of as our soulmate the day we get married may not be the same two or even ten years later. As long as we still love and want to be with our spouse, that is what matters. The idea of love has become so commercialized and people feel pressured to make sure that their relationship fits a mold. Otherwise, it’s not “okay” and something is “wrong” with what they have. In reality, it’s probably the best thing that could ever happen to them. Love has its quirks and it’s okay to not have what everyone else sees as “perfect”.

The Making of A Soulmate

I’ve read a lot of books- I learned how to read when I was three and haven’t stopped since. Along the way, I have read about how a soulmate changes your life and smacks you awake from what you aren’t seeing, sometimes even when it’s right in front of you. I would think your soulmate walks with your through the darkness that life can become, celebrates the best moments and loves you even when you’re a hot mess because you have a temperature of 102, throwing up and haven’t brushed your hair for three days. I got lucky- I’ve had both, just not with the same person.

Sometimes you meet out of nowhere and everything is a fairytale after, or maybe not so easy. The two of you connect, have a lot of fun and laugh together while building a life. You share secrets, fears and get through them. There may even be fights but they are able to be resolved. Love is scary. You can lose that person in a second and wonder how you will ever get through it. It can take years to grieve and be able to fully move forward after losing someone you loved. It can be even scarier to love someone to begin with- opening up means letting another person see who you are, flaws and all. You may think certain things about you are horrible but the other person may love those things.

You may separate, but come back together, sometimes more than once. With some couples, you just can’t stay away from each other. This can be damaging in some cases, but in others, it may give both of you time to figure out what needs to change so that your relationship can be healthier.

Time To Grow

A relationship with a soul mate doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time- you’re basically baring your soul to this person. It’s like waiting for flowers to grow in a garden- you have to plant the seeds by expressing yourself, giving the other person time to gain your trust, gain their trust and love, and let things bloom. Hopefully, it results in a beautiful garden of flowers.

Rushing this idea would not give good results. It may force you to feel things that aren’t really there and that isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Let it go the way it is supposed to- if the person is your soulmate, you’ll see it when the time arrives.

A Different View

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What if a soulmate isn’t the person that completes you, but the person that changes you and makes you become a better version of yourself? This person can challenge everything you know about love, maybe even change how you view love and its rules.

What if a soulmate is someone you choose to be with for the rest of your life, instead of simply leaving it up to chance?

What if it is possible to have more than one soul mate?

Think about these three options. The possibilities are there. The first option wasn’t an option for me until about five years ago. I had barely blinked at him before he contacted me online (we knew each other through work) but before his death in 2015, he had become what I consider my soulmate. He knocked down all of my emotional walls without trying very hard- he didn’t need to. His caring, gentle spirit was all I needed. He needed my same spirit to help him through his deeper demons. We shared a lot with each other and even though nothing was perfect, it still meant everything to me.

With his help, I became myself again. I got my self-respect, some of my self-worth, sense of humor, and my strength back. I was deeply unhappy with my husband- he was severely emotionally and verbally abusive. I was ready for a divorce for multiple reasons. He died one week before the date I was to file. I was devastated and did not feel like I was living for a year. (I went into therapy and have been able to process his death.)

What Really Matters?

In the area of love and soulmates, being happy and content is what matters most. Anything else is a bonus. Being able to connect with another person is a wonderful thing, especially in a world of constant connectivity. When you are able to truly be yourself around another person, it is a gift.

Don’t let this idea make you scared to be in a relationship because the next person you meet may not be your soulmate. It’s okay to be in a relationship and not even think about the person being a soulmate- some matchings just don’t work out that way. When it works, it just works.

Do you feel like you have met your soulmate? How did you know? Do you believe in soulmates? Comment below!

 

 

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